Sow Generously--Reap Bountifully

By Becki Robinson
Greene County Marriage Resources Coordinator
(Submitted to Xenia-Gazette)

I had a favorite plant that just died recently. It was a beautiful purple “butterfly” shamrock. Actually it was a purple Oxalis Triangularis. I am not really good with plants but I had carefully tended this plant for nearly a year. Then we went on vacation. It was only for a week and I thought that my plant would be fine. It wasn’t. Now my purple flowerpot (it matched the plant) is empty. I have been trying to revive it, hoping that somewhere under the soil there is still a spark of life but so far my plant still appears to be lifeless.

As much as I am grieving over the death of my plant, I know what killed it….my neglect. I had discovered the basic principle of reaping and sowing. “A man reaps what he sows.” (Galatians 6:7) Plants are living organisms that require sunlight, air, water, and nutrition. When one of these is not present the plant will die. It’s that simple. If I want to be able to continue to enjoy the beauty of my purple butterfly shamrock, I have to be willing to invest my time, attention and resources consistently.

About the same time that my plant died, my husband, Rex and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. As I looked back over the past thirty years, I realized something about marriage. The relationship of marriage is a lot like my plant. Marriage is not an institution but a living covenant. The marriage covenant requires a living man and a living woman. For the relationship of marriage to thrive, it must be nurtured just like my plant. For a marriage to grow and endure through the years, both the husband and the wife must be willing to invest their time, attention and resources consistently.

However, too often, our marriages are taken for granted. We begin to neglect this living relationship. Not necessarily on purpose, but the relationship seems to be going along fine and life is busy. We begin to focus our time, energy and resources on our careers, our children or ourselves. Then one day we wake up and discover that, like my plant, our marriage has begun to wilt or perhaps even die. The good news is that unlike my plant, a marriage can be revived when we begin to reinvest our time, attention and resources consistently and purposefully.

My question for you today is: Are you sowing into your marriage? Whether you are just beginning your marriage or celebrating your 30th anniversary you need to be nurturing your relationship. Whether you consider your marriage to be thriving and healthy or struggling and gasping for life, you need to be sowing into this vital union. Second Corinthians 9:6 says, “Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. If you take the time to sow generously into your marriage you will reap a bountiful harvest.

The Marriage Resource Center has two upcoming opportunities for you to sow into your marriage. Our RINGS marriage seminar will be offered on Saturday, August 21st from 8:45am to 5:00pm at Emmanuel Baptist Church. Our marriage retreat will be held on September 10th and 11th at the Hilton Garden Inn in Beavercreek. The retreat, First Comes Love Then Comes Money, will feature The Money Couple. For more information or to register for these opportunities please visit our website at http://www.marriageresourcecenter.org/ .

Plants are easy to replace; marriages are not. I encourage you to recommit yourself to investing your time, attention and resources into this awe-inspiring relationship of marriage. Sow generously and be prepared to reap an abundant harvest.

Celebrating National Marriage Week USA

February 7-14 has been designated as National Marriage Week USA. Kind of a nice reminder around Valentine's Day that there is still something very special about two people who are completely committed to each other. (Cue string music and pictures of roses, a sunset and a couple gazing lovingly into each other's eyes.)

Marriage is more than the emotions, whether they be positive or negative. Marriage is also something we DO together. If done with a healthy relationship in mind, the efforts usually deepen and strengthen the bond.

Ronda and I have made some commitments to each other in order to ensure a healthy marriage. After all, we need to be practicing what we're preaching as we lead Marriage Resource Center!

• Daily: Coffee, RINGS chat and prayer together to start our day. The RINGS chat is an acrostic for Real (what we're really feeling physically, spiritually, emotionally), Intentions (plans for the day), Needs (what we need from each other), Grateful (what we appreciate about the other) and Someday (what we're looking forward to).
• Weekly: A special date, usually Friday evenings. A "stuff huddle" on Sunday morning where we review three items: 10 questions we've composed to keep us accountable to New Year's resolutions, our calendar/schedule for the next 2 weeks, and a household financial update. Our weekly QCQ (Questions, Calandar, Quicken) keeps us on track for the commitments we've made to and on behalf of each other.
• Quarterly: A 2-3 day getaway or retreat. All work and family stuff left behind. We've enjoyed renting a cabin at Buck Creek State Park, bicycling from a bed and breakfast in Xenia, staying in a friend's wooded cabin in Hocking Hills. Nature and quietness are the themes that most help us refresh together.
• Annually: A retreat in November to review the past year and plan for the upcoming year has become a valuable ritual for us. Also, on our anniversary in late December we spend the day together at Barnes and Noble, pick a good movie to watch in a theatre followed by dinner at a good restaurant.

No doubt you as a couple have a number of things you DO together to maintain your sense of commitment and connection. If so, please leave some comments here so that others might benefit. If not, feel free to borrow some ideas from our playbook or ones that show up in comments.

Take some time during this week to build or reinforce some healthy marriage rituals. It's never a bad idea to try some good ideas -- if you both agree.

Lessons from Johnny Lingo and the 8-Cow Wife

(Article submitted to Xenia-Gazette)

One of my all time favorite short stories is “Johnny Lingo and the 8-Cow Wife”. The title sounds a bit demeaning, I know, but the punch-line at the end of the story transcends all negative connotations.

The story involves a puzzling and mysterious bridal transaction by Johnny Lingo for Sarita, a very plain-looking, backward young woman that probably wouldn’t bring a dowry of one cow, let alone eight! Even though Johnny was a master fisherman and business expert, everyone on the South Pacific island of Kiniwata thought he lost big-time when he brought eight cows to Sarita’s father and asked for her hand in marriage. Most brides only brought two, or at most, three cows.



What would motivate someone to “overpay” to such an extreme? Was he arrogant? Was he deluded? Was he blind? This is the mystery behind this little story. So that you can enjoy it for yourself, I will not steal your delight by spilling the punch-line. A link toward the end of this article will allow you enjoy the entire 10 minute story yourself.

I will provide a hint that “Johnny Lingo and the 8-Cow Wife” is a creative example of investing in marriage. Too many couples stop investing after several years, and then wonder where all the sizzle went. Instead of seeing their marriage as a valuable treasure, they come to perceive it as a burden, a mountain or worse—a curse.

A healthy marriage is one of the most valuable “possessions” one can acquire. Yet, it does not become healthy automatically; like a garden, much investment of time, energy and sacrifice is required. Value is added when we sacrificially invest in this most basic, foundational and potentially fulfilling of all relationships.

A recent public service campaign entitled “What have you done for your marriage today?” features “on-the-street” responses to this question. Some individuals and couples respond quickly by sharing of a small act of kindness done for their partner. Others seem to get a “deer in the headlights” look, as if you had just asked them about aliens living in their neighborhood!

I would always like to have a positive answer for anyone who asks me, “Lavern, what you done for your marriage today?” Typically, I could respond with a smile and say, “I made coffee for Ronda” or “I gave Ronda five reasons why I would marry her again” or “I asked Ronda if there is anything she needs from me today”.

Failure to invest in one’s marriage should not lead to surprise in its devaluation. No investment, no gain.

So, are you wondering about Johnny Lingo and why he paid eight cows for a rather non-descript damsel? If you would like to enjoy this memorable 10 minute story, here is the link: http://www.alivewithlove.com/fun/heartwarming/johnnylingo.html.

But please go beyond the story. Be sure to reflect on some new ways to invest in and add value to your own marriage. After all, if you want an 8-cow marriage . . .